Once in a men's group, I was asked where in my life am I out of integrity?

Of course, being the evolved meditator that I am, I said—nowhere.

I wish I were kidding. While I don't pretend to be enlightened, I did fool myself into thinking that there was no place I was out of integrity.

We can't see our shadows—that's what's makes them so. It's impossible to see where we fall short and how our actions affect others.

The Universe has humbled me a few ways this year, first with my knee injury. I got the sign to slow down, but I forgot the lesson once I got a semblance of normal back.

A few weeks ago, I shared an invitation to a Men's Group and Coaching Circle. I took a men's facilitator training over the summer, so I decided to create a new offering. I already had a lot on my plate, and to save me hassle, I modeled it after my coach.

I'll save the story, but essentially I was lazy and took his format and much of the copy. I didn't talk to him about this before—I thought he wouldn't mind.

When he saw the offering, he reached out to talk. He explained how he was hurt seeing me use much of his copy and format. This crushed me.

What is integrity?

Integrity is having strong alignment and accountability for our words and actions. Being who we say we are, doing what we say we'll do, and embodying the ideal version of ourselves.

Do I want to be the person to copy and paste what someone else did without asking and knowing it caused harm?

It pained me to take this moral inventory. It was hard to tell the people who signed up that I wasn't running it.

But Lou, aren't you the guy who tells us, "It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission?"

One of my favorite Buddhist teachings is explaining how a teacher can give two people contradicting advice. The teacher says, "If I see that there's a pothole on the left I tell them to walk right, if I see there's a pothole on the right, I tell them to walk left."

While I'm all about helping people give themselves permission, I've entered a phase in my career where I need to see the other side of that coin.

This situation has me reflecting on where else my actions have unintentionally caused harm. It's all been so humbling.

I have no doubt I will do a group in the future, but it's time to keep doing my inner work for now.

We all could use a good humbling—it's healthy for us. I'm letting it lead as my intention for the remainder of the year. (If I'm smart, I'll make it my life)

I thank you for witnessing me in my lack of integrity. I'm committed to doing better.