During my high school summers, I was a golf caddie.

For a 16-year-old who loved golf, there was no better way to make money. Five hours of work put $100 in my pocket.

I remember counting the available summer work days and calculating the thousands of dollars I could make.

There was only one problem: I wasn’t getting picked to go out on a job.

Each morning, I would get to the course at 6:30 AM to put my name on the list. I thought if I was there first, I should be picked before the caddies who came later.

In addition to getting there early, I would help set up the golf carts for the day. I was trying to show the caddie manager my commitment—that I was a "good boy."

I hoped that if he saw me contributing, I’d up my chances of getting picked.

I’d do this to no avail.

It infuriated me to sit around and watch the caddies who got to the course after me get chosen. People who didn’t even help setting up!

However, I kept getting there early, scrubbing down carts and hoping to get a different result. I thought the manager was testing me to prove myself.

But as the first tee times headed out, all I heard from Bob, our Caddie Manager, was, “Marco, you get Mr. Jenkinson, Steven, Mr. Cole, and Anthony, you take Mr. Lamar and his guests.”

Again, I was left sitting on the bench, waiting to be picked.

I thought the system was unfair, and my anger for the caddie manager grew. With nothing else to do, the unchosen caddies would talk smack about Bob at the caddieshack. We made fun of him, like a disgruntled employee would about their boss.

Most of the time, when things aren’t going our way, rather than doing something about it, we pull others down.

One day, I couldn’t take it anymore. After sitting around for a few hours, watching him pick people who got to the course after me, I decided enough was enough.

I went over to the caddie manager and, for the first time, expressed my plea that I was up early and deserved a job.

He got me assigned to the next bag.

So many of us live as I did in my caddy days—hoping that if we do the right thing, if we are good boys or girls, then someone will recognize us.

Years of getting good grades gave us a false sense of entitlement.

We think if we get the right degree, the right job, and the right boss, then life is set. We did our part, so someone must choose us!

In the Caddy-Shack, I learned that's not how the real world works. No one is watching to give a gold star of approval.

Waiting to be chosen is futile.

If we want something, we need to choose ourselves.

Choosing yourself is scary.

It’s like deciding to take off training wheels.

How do we know we’re ready?
What do we do?
What if no one is there to pick us up?
What if we’re yelled at by the world for stepping out of line?

Choosing yourself feels selfish.

You might say, but Lou, my kids, family, and obligations come first.

Choosing yourself doesn’t mean releasing all your responsibilities and moving to Bali. (Although it could.)

It’s simply deciding that you are important enough to stand up for.

Choosing yourself is necessary.

No one is going to give you the permission you seek.

I imagine many people are doing their best at jobs, hoping someone will recognize them for their effort.

Many would-be authors are waiting around, hoping an agent will call and a book deal will follow. (Guilty! )

The problem with waiting for others’ permission is that we give away our power.

Inner Power

We’re afraid of the power we possess. As the famous Marianne Williamson quote goes:

“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

We’re afraid to yield our power towards our goals because a part of us will die if we do.

The part that likes not having to decide.

The part that wants others to tell us what to do because it feels safer (and easier) than listening to ourselves.

When you say yes to giving yourself permission, you say yes to fear.

You invite the fear of “this might not work."

You may get rejected, stood up, or laughed at. You may be looked down upon and scoffed at by others who see choosing yourself as threatening their way of living.

All are likely to happen.

What do we gain when we choose ourselves?

We receive all that life has in store for us.

Our greatest hopes, dreams, and imaginations can now come true.

Why? Because we’ve shown that we have the fortitude to listen to ourselves, trust our power, and use it to take action.

We’re no longer bystanders in our lives—We are conscious creators, blending our practical facilities with mystical inspiration.

I’m not asking you to make a radical outer change.

We already possess what we need.

The ingredients are there, already prepared and sitting in a saucepan. The problem is we're waiting for someone to turn on the stovetop.

But no one is coming.

While the outside world can spark the flame, it’s ultimately up to us to turn the dial, keep our fire burning, and allow our unique flavors to come alive.

Your life and all the dreams you have for it depend on this fire.

I use this metaphor when working with people in my private coaching practice. I look for their flame. Once I sense they have found the spark, I help them turn the dial and stoke the fire.

The larger the flame, the more energy one can summon when motivation dwindles or we hit a roadblock.

The good news is you don’t have to wait for a coach to stoke your flame. You can do it right now.

You can decide to take action in the direction of your dreams, despite what people think, without having anyone’s approval, validation, or piece of paper.

There are billions of people on this planet.

There is no “right” and cookie-cutter way to live.

Don’t waste your time pulling others down.

Each of us can choose, for ourselves, what our path looks like.

If you’re like Lou, “I have no idea what that path is.” Perfect! No one does.

As the saying goes, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.”

Plus, it’s not your path if it’s been walked before.

As Joseph Campbell states,

“You enter the first at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or a path, it’s someone else’s path. You are not on your own path. If you follow someone else’s way, you are not going to realize your potential. “

Choosing yourself is the first step into the dark forest.

It’s a step toward your potential.

--

What you just read is an excerpt from a book I’ve been dreaming up since Find Your Truth. I do not know what will come of it, but if any of this lands for you, send me an email and let me know.