Impact Dysmorphia
Two weeks ago, I shared how my self-confidence was shattered after hitting a low point in my work.
Along with the self-defeat came a narrative around the value I was offering the world.
I questioned...
Is what I'm doing making a difference?
Am I actually helping people?
Or, am I caught in some pyramid scheme where all one does is inspire and coach others to inspire and coach others?
In March, I had my first week as a coach in over 6 years without a client session booked.
My mind spun…
Maybe I'm not that good at what I do.
Maybe my time has come and passed.
Perhaps my best work is behind me.
Looking at my blank calendar, I was crushed.
Even though I had all this time, I was paralyzed with indecision.
I'm grateful for my Monday mastermind group for keeping me sane, however, I needed deeper support.
Even though my revenue was at its lowest in years, I decided to invest in help.
I wanted to work with someone at least 10 years older and more seasoned.
The coach I chose founded a men's organization I trained with. He had publicity in GQ and The New York Times, and was interviewed on The Joe Rogan podcast about his work helping men feel their emotions.
I shared everything with him—the defeat, the doubt, the loss of confidence. What surprised me was that he didn't coach me to an epiphany or help me work through my doubt.
All he said was,
"Yeah, man, me too."
He went on to say that he'd gone through periods of questioning whether his work mattered and said that it's common to do so.
I can't explain how relieving it was to hear that.
It was like all of a sudden, it was OK to feel what I was feeling. I wasn't alone in it.
It helped me understand that it was part of the path, even though it felt like going backward.
With that affirmation, I relaxed.
I saw I was suffering from a case of Impact Dysmorphia—where we misperceive our value and how our work impacts people. We tune out evidence that says we are helping—comments, ratings, testimonials—and magnify anything that affirms the "not good enough" story.
We make self-defeating assumptions, like if no one responds to my email, that means no one likes it. Or if only 3 people engage with my post, that means it wasn't impactful.
We don't see the people who never like, comment, or respond, yet still get value.
For me, I was ignoring the dozens of daily comments I get on Insight Timer.
I was forgetting the 11 years of work I've done and how my work has made a difference to the many people I've encountered.
Your light shines brighter than you can see.
I've used that line in many a meditation, and I still need help remembering it.
If you're doubting whether your work is making a difference, I hope sharing my journey reminds you that you can never know the extent of your impact.
You have so much to offer.
We need you to shine your light.
To paraphrase Marianne Williamson:
"When you shine your light, you give others permission to do the same."
Instead of a pyramid scheme, this work is a ripple effect.
I am rooting for you, whatever stage you're at.