Transforming Your Relationship With Money
Our relationship with money defines us, limits us, or empowers us. - Lynne Twist
What is your relationship with money?
The book, The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist, will influence today's newsletter. It had a major impact on me when I read it in 2019 and an even stronger one on my recent re-read.
I will quote it heavily, so instead of continually saying, "Lynne Twist says", anything you see in italics are quotes from the book.
But first, clearing the air:
I wrote in my last letter how my recent mushroom ceremony opened me to how greed was getting in the way of my heart.
The response was varied, but some thought I was bashing money.
You may have taken my tone as "I don't care about money! I just want to do what I love!"
The tenor in my email did get aggressive, which is why I'm re-affirming that the "F money" mantra is not my truth.
Not to mention, it's a toxic attitude many artists, creators, or coaches find themselves in.
Having a business and not caring about money is like having a child and not caring about food.
You try and give children nourishment so they can grow strong.
In my last letter, I tried to convey that I realized I have a child with food all around, yet I'm focusing on getting more food.
In focusing on more, I'm not getting nourishment from what is already present.
While I'm sure my money blocks came out in my article, I want to emphasize that what I identified in myself was greed.
Greed and wealth are not synonymous.
Whether rich or poor, you can be greedy.
Whether you charge $10 or $10,000 for your services, you can do it soulfully or greedily.
I wasn't being critical of money. I was being critical of my relationship with money.
I'm sure most of you don't think I'm greedy. The impact was subtle. The power of psilocybin was that it took something just under the surface and allowed me to see it.
It's like going to the doctors for a routine checkup, finding something that may be cancerous, and healing it before it metastasizes.
While I wasn't blatantly greedy, I could see where it was creeping in and how it could grow if gone unchecked.
I love making money.
Barring greed, money is a source of genuine fulfillment, freedom, and generosity in my life.
Every time I get paid or cash a check, I slow down and infuse it with love and gratitude.
A mantra from the book is, Be known for what you allocate, not what you accumulate.
I love putting that money to use in myself, my business, charities, and paying people for their gifts.
A core principle I learned from the book is: Money Is Like Water.
Money is a current (Currency) a carrier, a conduit for our intentions.
Money can be a carrier of love, courage, and commitment, or it can be a conduit for fear, control, and greed. It may come into our lives as a rushing river or a trickle.
Stagnant water grows diseased. Stagnant money does, too.
Even if you have a little, you can flow with your money.
What about savings?
Lynne says, Saving money is part of a responsible approach to finances, but when it's holding us back from using money in life affirming ways, then money becomes and end in itself and an obstacle to well being.
A piece of paper provides no inherent fulfillment. Stacking it up and never putting it to use makes it more important than life.
When we see money as something that flows through our lives in through the world, we realize that it doesn't really belong to anyone or we could say it belongs to everyone. The opportunity we have is to allow this resource, just like water, to move through the world in a way that nurtures the most people in the highest purpose.
When people are able to align their money with their deepest, most soulful interests and commitments, their relationship with money becomes a place where profound and lasting transformation can occur.
Why do people hold their money tight?
It comes down to the big Lie of the book.
The Lie of Scarcity: Scarcity is the mindset that tells us we can never have enough and drives us to strive above all and against all for more and more.
In the mindset of scarcity, our relationships with money is an expression of fear; a fear that drives us in an endless and unfulfilling chase for more or into compromises that promise a way out of the chase or discomfort.
Lynne then points to the big truth.
The Truth of Sufficiency: Sufficiency heightens our awareness and appreciation of enough—a state of mind in which our experience of who we are, what we have, and our full wealth of resources deepens, expands, and flourishes.
Sufficiency is an act of generating, distinguishing, and making known to ourselves the power and presence of our existing resources and our inner resources.
Lynne stands by this through what she identifies as the 3 Toxic Myths around money.
Toxic Myth #1: There's Not Enough
People who have little feel like they don't have enough, but it's also what drives people who have billions yet aren't content. The amount is never the issue. It's the relationship and the meaning we put on the amount.
Lynne would distinguish "Resource rich vs Resource poor."
(So often, we define people by their money. When we do, we demean them and ourselves.)
Lynne talks extensively about the indigenous community, The Achuar, where money hasn't touched their lands for years, yet they live in a state of sufficiency and enoughness.
Toxic Myth #2: More Is Better
More is better is where I trip up.
Besides what I shared last week, here's another example.
In 2020 I spent $5,400 on 4 months of coaching. It was a stretch, but I knew I wanted to invest in myself. I remember putting the first payment down with such positive energy of love, courage, and commitment.
It was one the best investments I ever made. I got to feel the transforming power of putting money into myself. It opened a world of possibility and expansion.
So in 2022, with some more money in the bank, I thought, well, if I spent $5,400, then spending more is better.
So I spent $8,800 on four months of coaching. Yet my energy behind it was different. I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I spent that money not with courage, love and commitment—but rather with expectation and FOMO.
It wasn't worth it, but it wasn't the coach's fault. I thought more was better, but it comes back to the energy behind it—the soul of the money. It was a powerful $8,800 lesson!
Again, millionaires think they need more just as much as dollaraires.
When you let go trying to get more of what you don’t really need it frees up oceans of energy to make a difference with what you have: when you make a difference with what you have it expands.
Toxic Myth #3 That's Just the Way It Is
Lynne explains this myth to be the most gripping because you can always make a case for it. If we believe the first two myths, then it's hard to break out of thinking anything can be different.
--
In seeing how my relationship with money transformed from a stingy hoarder into a generous steward, I hope to help you question and attend to your money relationship.
Consumer vs Steward
The movement of money in and out of our lives is not equal. We live in a toxic consumerist culture, but that doesn't mean spending money is consuming.
A consumer is someone who takes, diminishes or destroys. When we buy gadgets, or cars, at some point they diminish in value and will need to be demolished.
Yet when we steward our money with investment, it is a generative act. When I pay someone for personal training, it's a win-win for everyone.
I leave stronger, and the trainer's energy is appreciated. Nothing is lost or destroyed—something new emerges—in this case, muscles and a better heart rate!
This concept that spending money can be generative is why I'll spend thousands of dollars on self-development without blinking, yet I hesitate to buy new clothes. After the rush of wearing something the first time, it doesn't bring more value.
Yet, I'm still getting value from the coach I worked with five years ago.
How we spend money comes down to what we value. Just look out your bank statement, it tells you a lot about what's important to you.
Each financial choice you make is a powerful statement of who you are and what you care about. When you take a stand and have your money reflect that, it strengthens your sense of self.
It's never about the money.
I made $110,540.67 last year. YET, I was upset about not selling out programs and workshops.
Breathwork has been crucial in integrating the lessons I received in the ceremony. As I did weekly breathing sessions, I realized it wasn't about money. (It rarely is.)
For me, it's about validation.
When people don't sign up, I feel like a failure. While I'm sure this is universal, it's even stronger for an enneagram 3.
So my resentment had nothing to do with money— it had to do with self-worth issues.
My greed was in getting more followers, because then, when I have an offer, I will get more signups (validation).
I have all the external validation in the world. Every day I get feedback on the work I put out there, but I'll never find contentment in that.
Even if I sell out a program, I'll always need more, which is why the work comes back to sourcing the need from within.
After the ceremony, I thought I needed to make outer changes. However, the more I sit with the lesson, the more I realize it's all internal. (Shocker)
--
I can share so much more from this book, but I want you to have your own experience with it.
Here's how you can go deeper:
My partner and I are running a free book club to discuss The Soul of Money. Pick up your copy here.
Sign up for the free book club here: The Soul of Money Book Club
Watch this video of Lynne's TEDx talk: Freedom from the money culture
Watch this workshop she gave at Wisdom 2.0: The Soul of Money
It will be well worth your time. (Pun intended.😊)
--
What's your relationship with money?
What stirred in you while reading this post?
Send me an email and let me know!