Are you triggered?
Here are my core beliefs:
Everything is spiritual.
Every moment can teach me something.
The universe is benevolent.
Holding these foundations, I consider nothing that happens to be a mistake. I believe challenges help me break free from who I think I am and awaken into my true Home with The Beloved.
Even though I hold these beliefs, I don’t always put them into practice—and after seeing the election results—nor does an entire swath of “spiritual” people.
At the foundation of spirituality is surrender.
If surrender had words, it would say:
“God, I give this experience up to you. Give me the capacity to see things differently. Give me the strength to learn whatever I need to learn from this.”
I’ve been following someone on Instagram for a while. I resonate with her work, but sometimes, her posts trigger me.
It gets to the point where I question, “Is it better for my well-being to unfollow her?”
If I do, I won’t feel bad again, but does that address the core issue?
Anthony Demello illustrates this in an analogy: “Imagine a patient getting diagnosed with a disease, and the doctor gives the meds to the neighbor.”
That's what happens when we’re triggered and unfollow someone. What triggered us is still inside!
Or when someone gets elected president and to change how you feel, you leave the country!
Instead of changing the external so nothing hits our stuff, how about doing some self-reflection and asking:
What is this bringing up for me?
How can I view this differently?
What do I need to learn, feel, or heal?
As I shared in Transforming Your Triggers, a strong emotional reaction means we have work to do. That work cannot happen by changing what’s outside.
Unfollowing someone or leaving the country is like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
As Jon Kabit Zinn said, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
I’ll bet anyone emigrating because of a president will find another thing to be outraged over wherever they end up.
In reality, did anyone’s day-to-day life change over the last 3 weeks? It’s more likely the external event created an emotional reaction, which led to thoughts about a perceived future, which created self-inflicted suffering.
Yes, there are real consequences that are still unknown. However, this is a spiritual blog, so I will speak about spiritual truths—We can’t change the external, but we can change how we see the situation and how we choose to respond.
Let’s normalize following people who trigger us.*
We must expand our capacity to hold people and ideas that may counter our feelings or beliefs. Retreating our information silos may feel safer, but it’s not how we will grow as individuals and as a collective.
Instead of unfollowing people, use what comes up as “grist for your spiritual mill,” as Ram Dass would say.
There's a difference between a trigger and a disagreement.
Discerning the two is crucial.
In a recent podcast episode, Tim Ferris said:
I really want friends where the differences of opinion bring us closer, and make our friendships more valuable. Not the other way around. If you and your friends agree on pretty much everything, I view that as symptomatic of a problem.”
The problem is most people get triggered if someone disagrees.
If someone who disagrees with us is also triggering, it means our belief is rooted in a wound, not in wholeness.
Reactions come from wounds.
Responding comes from wholeness.
For example, suppose someone loses their shit because they believe ice cream should be any flavor, including sardines. In that case, it may be that the person’s parents never let them have any other flavor besides chocolate or vanilla.
The person’s reactions are coming from a hurt child part, not their wholeness. Instead of trying to convince everyone of the need for sardine ice cream, a better use of their time would be healing the wound that came from such strict parents.
After doing this, someone can disagree with them on sardine ice cream and they will feel no emotional reaction. Instead, they honor the disagreement and stand up for their sardine-flavored truth.
The divide we feel is mostly people’s hurt parts fighting eachother.
We’ll never make progress reacting to every post or person that triggers.
I did not unfollow this person on Instagram. Instead, I sought support to try and understand what was coming up in me. I now see her posts and feel less reactive and more curious.
I encourage you to explore this in your life, whether online or in person.
(If you’re celebrating Thanksgiving on Thursday, what a great time to practice being in disagreement from wholeness. )
Let me know how this landed! If it triggered you, go see your local healer before responding. JK, I'll welcome your emotional reaction.
I wish you lots of support!
* Within your range of tolerance. Context matters. If you’re healing from a traumatic experience, this doesn’t mean I’m suggesting doing anything that will be retraumatizing.