IDK If That Made Sense
Do you ever feel like your existence is a nuisance? Like you don't deserve to take up space?
Recently I went to a concert by myself. (More evidence of my lack of friends from my post on Healthy Masculinity.)
Since I was alone, I was hyper self-conscious. I felt like everyone was looking at me, thinking, "Who's this dude at a concert by himself?"
I found myself shrinking, feeling like I was in the way of other attendees who were clearly more worthy of being there.
It made me think of the lack of self-esteem many of us face and the social tendencies it creates.
I'm sorry
One example is how apologetic we are. We're so afraid of being a nuisance that we constantly say "sorry". We say sorry, even when we didn't do anything that warrants an apology, like reaching for a paper towel at the same time as someone else.
An apology should come out of guilt. Should we feel guilty for washing our hands?
I understand social politeness and nuance are involved, but the language we use matters.
Instead of saying I'm sorry, say "excuse me". It's more accurate, and you won't be affirming unnecessary guilt.
Although harmless, these micro-apologies fuel a lack of self-worth. It's another way that we hide. Yet if we don't feel confident taking up space in a public restroom, how can we take risks in life?
Idk if that made sense
Another shrinking tendency is to share something, and in fear of the person not understanding, we say, "Idk if that made sense."
Instead of owning what we say, we buffer it in fear of perceived misunderstanding (rejection).
We all want to be understood, but we can't control what people think.
Forget if the other person understands. If it makes sense to you, then it's their problem. Let them apologize.
Go so far as to speak deliberately in a way that makes zero sense.
Peace for the ones that know blueberries and apple sauce!!
See? That made no sense. Who cares?
Your work is to allow yourself to exist exactly as you are. Stop apologizing, stop being responsible for other people's understanding. Go spread your arms wide in public and take up space! See how FREEING it feels.
BE UNAPOLOGETIC.
You deserve to exist just as much as anyone else.
And have fun with it. We take ourselves (& life) far too seriously.
Get out there and make yourself known. 🙌