Misery Loves Company
For the better part of the past decade, I’ve been a positive person. I see the bright side of things and try to be someone who uplifts the energy of the room.
Yet, that’s not how I always was. There were times in my 20s when I was angry, entitled, and jaded. When things didn’t go my way, negativity would leak out. Like the one time my friend got a raise, and instead of being happy for him, I said:
“Must be nice for you! Why doesn't this happen to me?”
I want to think victim consciousness is in the past, but it can still creep in.
Here’s a recent example I'm embarrassed to share.
You might know my friend, Charles Freligh.
Charles was selected to participate in the recent 30-day challenge on Insight Timer. Charles’ track was supposed to release on a Thursday, but Insight Timer moved it to Saturday.
I’m fortunate to be in a group with him and a couple of other teachers. Saturday came, and I sent a message to our chat celebrating Charles, but then following it up with
“Bummer that Insight Timer moved your day as weekends tend to get less plays.”
After I hit send, I woke up—WTF? Why am I being a downer?
Charles responded that he wasn’t even thinking about that. I sent a message apologizing for bringing negativity into the space.
It might seem minor, but it’s these comments that can deflate the energy and make us unpleasant to be around. We then start attracting people who feed on our negativity, and our life becomes a constant swirl of what’s going wrong.
As the saying goes, Misery Loves Company.
Charles could have easily commiserated, saying something like, Yeah, that does suck, and gone on about other negative things about Insight Timer—but he didn’t.
I share this story as a reminder to myself, yet also as a challenge for you to be aware in each group or interaction whether you are being an Uplifter or a Deflator.
Do you bring life into the group, or suck it away?
Some practical things to try:
No Complaining: SO HARD to do but not complaining in your life can have a massive impact on mood and wellbeing.
Contained Venting: Take 5 minutes, go into a room: scream yell, complain—let it out—then leave it there. Consciously releasing negative emotions helps you avoid unconsciously projecting them onto others.
Parts Work: Work with the negativity as a part; ask it how it’s doing and what it’s trying to help with. It’s likely just trying to make sure you’re ok.
Kind, Necessary, True: You may have heard this one before—ask yourself before you speak: Is it Kind, Is it True, Is it Necessary? And I’ll add one—is it constructively Funny? Because sometimes I tell jokes that I like to think add to the energy. :)
I created a meditation to help you do some of this work called Staying Positive & Keeping Your Heart Open
Listen Here:
I’d love to hear how this landed! Are you an uplifer or deflator? Where does negativity show up in your life?