Identity Crisis
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I said these words to myself a few weeks back.
As someone who helps others discover themselves, you’d think I’d have this figured out.
I thought I had.
Yet this year, as business slowed down and opportunities evaporated, the identity around my work feels like sand slipping through my fingers.
There is a part of me that questions whether my best work is behind me. I’ve longed for a burst of inspiration with clarity around the next step, project, or focus—it hasn’t come.
I’m in the desert.
I’ve been re-examining my purpose:
What is my unique genius?
Who am I here to serve?
How am I meant to lead?
I hired a business coach, thinking it would help. He had a lot of knowledge and gave immense support, yet when I followed some of the marketing, something felt inauthentic.
In business, we get to create our own world, crafting the ecosystem and shaping it to evoke a certain feeling. In this way, business becomes art.
Yet if we use someone else’s formula, where’s the creativity in that? Yes, there are best practices to follow, but the elders I look up to and leaders I respect most don’t have a business strategy.
Or, better put, their “strategy” is to devote themselves to their own self-development and follow their creative spirit in the most heartfelt and authentic way.
When I think of any lasting success I’ve had, it’s come from that.
Whatever I put out in my universe, I want it to have the flavor of transparency, inspiration, & possibility.
In doing so, I trust that I don’t need the perfect copy to sell an offer. I just need to tell the truth.
Perhaps I’m naive. Maybe I won’t achieve the success I desire unless I follow the tactics.
Who knows. I’m willing to push my chips in the pot of human connection and go out like Frank Sinatra—doing it my way.
When I reflect on the need to have a big creative project, it stems from a resistance to being in the desert of no inspiration.
Can I love myself where I am, for who I am, and not glean my sense of value from achievement?
Recently, one of my clients (Shout out to Ren!) said something I needed to hear—that our greatest creative project is ourselves.
It’s a reminder that the real work (and best business strategy) is growing in our self-awareness, presence, and wholeness.
Everything we seek, we already possess.
The work as spiritual sojourners is about clearing the gunk that stands in the way of the current of wellbeing that is always present.
When we are connected, everything unfolds how it should.
Part of my identity crisis has me asking,
Am I holding space for transformation, or as a creative business mentor?
My answer? Both, And.
If you’re stuck in the midst of transition, yearning for a life with more aliveness and purpose, I offer transformational coaching.
If you’re a coach or meditation teacher wanting to start or grow on Insight Timer, you’ll get a ton of value out of Insight Timer Growth Accelerator.
And Meraki Mastermind is a group for coaches and teachers where the inner and outer work meet. We’ll be starting the next cohort on October 1st. This cohort will have a greater focus on momentum, offering multiple co-working sessions per week. If you’re looking for a community of others on the same path, Meraki Mastermind is your people.
Another question I'm contemplating: Am I pursuing my dreams, or just helping others achieve theirs? (Or are those the same thing?)
I don't want to be the coach on the sidelines. I’m in the arena with you, pushing my comfort zone, failing, and getting back up. For me, that means speaking to larger audiences.
I intend to develop a new keynote speech that I can present to companies. If your company would like me to present, please let me know. I have a good amount of experience speaking and facilitating workshops in education. Here’s my speaker page.
How could two opposing things be true?
How can I share all my offerings while at the same time proclaim that I don’t even know who I am?
The paradox of being human is that we are constantly dancing with the known and unknown. In this way, we can let go of needing to hold onto anything and surrender to the many forms life may take.
I’ve worn many identities—writer, speaker, coach, meditation artist, creator, business mentor, podcaster, mindfulness teacher, spiritual guide, Yoga teacher, and more.
Today I wrote, so I’m a writer.
Tomorrow I’ll coach so I’ll be a coach.
Through it all, I let go of attachment to the form my gifts take and cultivate a wellbeing uncaused and unaffected by circumstance.
That is The Work. And it is never done.
Maybe you’re like me, a multi-passionate creative who loves all things spirituality and personal growth.
Maybe you’re just trying to do the best you can with the life you have.
Whoever you are, thanks for being here.
I mean it when I say I'm rooting for you.