Permission to Feel (and Heal)
On my blog last month, I discussed a better way to practice gratitude— not needing to focus on others who have less in order to feel grateful.
Today I'm sharing the inverse of this practice—When we minimize our pain or trauma because "someone has it worse."
I talked with someone who told me about their childhood pain, going to a Catholic school with nuns who abused them, making them feel dumb, and humiliating them in front of the class.
There was a lot of suffering, yet they deflected their pain under the guise that others had it worse.
They felt like they weren't allowed to be effected as if there's some grand ledger of trauma, and a judge deeming those worthy of feeling their pain, and who should suck it up because "it could be worse."
There's something similar happening during the pandemic. People who have a stable job and good health are ashamed that they feel sad or discontent. They push down their hurt, saying, "I'm healthy and employed so I shouldn't complain or I should be happy."
We shouldn't be anything other than what we are.
Our practice is about welcoming and accepting all emotions, without judgment and with compassion.
Don't minimize or compare your pain because only you know what it's like to carry it. Instead, Own it. Call out to the sky and proclaim, This is mine!
You have full permission.
If we don't embrace our suffering, we'll continue carrying the weight, and in the long run, end up worse off than those we're comparing to.
Feel to Heal is a meditation to support you in your healing and growth.
This recording is from an Insight Timer live: Listen here.