6 Paradoxes to Live By
If you don’t know Georges’s character in the show Seinfeld, he is portrayed as a lame, cynical, down-on-his-luck man with a track record of lost jobs, failed relationships, and overall difficulty with life.
Since things never go his way, in one episode, he decides to do the opposite of what he would typically do.
Guess what happens? Life starts working for him. He gets a great job and a beautiful relationship and starts having a vibrant life.
This silly comedy points to a few things.
The world is backwards.
Mark twain said, "If you find yourself on the side of the majority, take time to pause and reflect."
What George taught us is to question our habits. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, It’s evident that in order to change, we must change.
When was the last time you took a risk?
If you can’t remember, that’s a sign to try something new.
It will take work to break out of your routine and create new momentum. (It’s what stops most people from change)
It’s difficult but worth it. (Paradox)
Paradoxes are powerful guideposts.
As Adyashanti says, “The closer you get to Truth, the more you come into Paradox.”
Here are 6 paradoxes to live by.
1. Structure Brings Freedom
“Freedom is doing what you want when you want.”
Agree or disagree?
If you’re retired or out of a job, you know this definition is false.
It’s difficult to wake up and make decisions all day. Structure creates ease, focus, and direction.
If told to draw a picture of whatever you wanted, you may feel overwhelmed. Yet if I told you to draw a picture of a blue animal, instantly you have ideas and a vision.
Boundaries breed creativity.
The freedom we’re seeking is inner freedom, and what do those devoted to inner freedom do?
Go to a monastery—you see the same schedule every day. Wake up at 4:30 am, meditate, have breakfast, meditate, clean, meditate, lunch, etc..EVERY DAY.
The most structured place lends to the most expansive states.
You access freedom through Self-Discipline.
Self-discipline is about becoming a Disciple of the Self.
The more support you have around your devotion to Self, the better. This could mean a community, life coach, or trainer—or it could be getting clear on what is important to you and structuring your days to ensure there's time.
As Elizabeth King says, "Process saves us from the tyranny of our intentions."
2. Doing hard things makes life easy. Doing easy things makes life hard.
I saw an ad on a Bus that said, “Diets don’t work long-term, surgery does”.
Culture conditions us to seek comfort and deceives us that it will make us happy when it only leads to more depression.
The proper amount of stress helps us grow.
Comfort after stress creates fulfillment.
Think of the feeling of getting back home from a workout, taking a shower, and then relaxing on the couch—ahhhh. It wouldn’t feel as good if you started on the couch.
I worked with a client who discussed overcoming his fear of speaking in front of an audience. He told me how liberating the experience was and how great he felt afterward.
He then said he didn’t want to feel the fear anymore. I told him, sounds like you don’t want to feel liberation either.
Only by feeling the fear and courageously stepping forward he experienced the reward.
We are constantly coming upon edges. It’s not that we have to get ourselves too uncomfortable. The work is meeting your edge and taking a small step through it. Then find a new edge—rinse, cycle, repeat!
Beware of those telling you it’s going to be easy.
Go the opposite way!
3. The only way to free your pain is to feel your pain.
I haven’t sat in an Ayuascha ceremony, but from what I understand, a main directive is: If you have a choice between going towards something that feels dark and something that feels light, go towards the dark.
Why this counter-intuitive advice?
We have to face our demons, not run from them.
The Stoic wisdom says, The Obstacle Is The Way.
Going through your darkness, you retrieve the gifts you're here to share with the world.
As Robert Bly puts it, "The wound is where your genius lies."
If we don’t bring light to our shadows, they will affect us unconsciously.
Don’t spiritually bypass thinking that it will go away if you think positive thoughts and stay in the light. Go into your darkness.
Picture the Yin and Yang symbol. If you find yourself in the darkness, go deeper until you come across that speck of light, and come out the other side, as if bending time and space, you emerge with the gift, share it, and then journey on to face the next challenge (darkness).
Father Thomas Keating states that the spiritual journey is one humiliation after the other.
Trust the fall.
4. Give, and You Shall Receive
Dana—giving away valuable things— is considered of the base practices of merit in buddhism.
It’s not just for showing righteousness. It’s a practice in non-attachment and is considered an act of saving for the future since you get back what you give.
This Paradox makes the most sense when you come from a nondual lens. If there is no separation, then we are giving to ourselves.
The intention must be giving without expectation.
Money is an easy place to start (maybe also why it’s most restrictive).
Do you have difficulty with money?
Try seeing it as God’s money. Just as the trees aren’t yours, why do you think the money is?
With this perspective, send God’s money into the world to bless others and you'll receive more of it as a blessing.
I talk about this on day 9 of my course, Essential Tools For Healing & Transformation.
What if you gave away the best you have?
If you want ideas on how to be generous, here’s a great article. 50 Ways to Be Ridiculously Generous
Let me know if you try any of these out!
5. You’re already whole, perfect, and complete, AND you have work to do.
Kabir Helminski writes, “What is most human is not guaranteed by our culture but only given in potential. A person must work in order to become human.”
Wait, you’re telling me I’m the Divine image of God right now? AND I need to work? How frustrating!
Yes, we have work to do. The question is, are we working from a place of devotion or lack?
It’s common in self-improvement to work from a place of not enough. This idea of self-help is flawed because we can never fill what is always empty.
Instead of working from“not enough”, work from devotion. Make every act to serve a greater good, honoring the Divine in yourself and others.
When you approach your growth as a devotional practice, you find that each stage is enough. Your life is always whole.
Then, like peeling back an onion, you go deeper.
6. The best criticism of the bad is a practice of the better.- Richard Rohr
David Hawkins used to joke, “I don’t go to peace rallies., they’re too dangerous.”
What you show opposition to creates opposition in yourself. (Again, nondual lens, we are doing it to ourselves!)
This is not to say we don’t stand up to injustice, but we don’t play the same game. Ghandi and Martin Luther King are so renowned because they practiced non-violence in action and in speech.
Martin Luther King didn't say, "Let's hate these people", he said, "I have a dream" and painted a picture of possibility.
In 21 Days of Morning Motivation & Inspiration someone asked what they should do if they try to be positive but face cynicism from their husband and son.
I told her, keep being YOU. You don’t have to make them wrong or make yourself right. Just keep embodying the positivity that feels authentic to you.
Ghandi said Be The Change you want to see in the world.
Jesus said to love your enemies, for they know not what they do.
Therefore, we can have compassion for those we disagree with and work to make change by embodying our best self.
Darkness is the absence of light. Don’t shun the darkness, be the light.
The greatest gift you give to the world is your energy. So continue working through the dissonance in your field.
If you have difficulty accepting others, try this meditation: Accepting Others.
How do you put these paradoxes into action?
- Set up a structure for yourself, your life your schedule, and stick to it. Get accountability from someone, your friend, a coach, whoever. Make 3 important things you want to get done each day that are in service to your vision. Do these first before other tasks get in the way.
- Find your edge. If you don’t have any, you’re probably too comfortable. Do something that expands what you think you can do. There is so much fulfillment in the process.
- Ask yourself the question, What am I not willing to feel? Journal what those places are and bring them into the light. Listen to your triggers, they are your treasures.
- Practice gratitude. It is the antidote to lack. Feel gratitude for the fullness of each moment. Catch yourself in scarcity to thinking, and root out our scarcity mindset. There is enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
- Give a little more than you’re comfortable with.
- Don’t be a hater of the bad, be an advocate of the better. Embody what good you stand for, wear it on your sleeve, without shaming or making others wrong.
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