Create & Be Seen: Handling Criticism & Feedback on Your Work
In this solo episode, I discuss how to deal with criticism of your work. You will learn practical tools for taking in feedback, including when to let it go and when to implement it. This episode will leave you feeling more free to put yourself out in the world and share your work, business, offers, and projects with others.
GIFT FOR YOU
If you’re a meditation teacher or coach who wants to create unique meditations people listen to over and over again, enroll in my free course Meditation Script Mastery
Music Credit: Nova by River Roots - https://www.youtube.com/riverroots
Podcast Transcript
Hello, dear friend. Welcome to another solo episode of the Art and Business of Meditation podcast. I am your host, Lou Redmond. I'm a meditation teacher, soul work, life purpose, coach, writer, creator, spiritual guide. So many things. I don't even know how to answer that question. Maybe you struggle with that, too. I've written about that in the past. How do we say what we do? I do all of these things, and I help and guide people on their journey to figuring out what it is they do. And really, I am whatever you say I am as Eminem would say. And that really aligns for some of the things that we'll be talking about today. And maybe I'll bring that Eminem line back as we get to it. But today we are going to be talking about how to handle, how to think about negative criticism, feedback, reviews, how to embrace and seek out the right type of feedback. And this is going to be a fun diatribe, and I hope you get a lot of value because it can really potentially do a little ninja mindset shift in how you approach the negative feedback that you get. So let's get into it. Number one, everything starts from here. This is just a foundation of how I believe you may want to approach the work that you are doing, and that is separating yourself, your humanness, your divine beingness, from the work that you are putting out in the world. You are not your work. You created it. It might have a piece of you in it, but it is not you. And the issue that many people have with receiving criticism, myself included, is that we think when people criticize our work, our podcast, our. Our meditation, our coaching, that they are criticizing our own humanness, that they don't like us, they don't think we're worthy. And so it's so important to have that separation from you and your work. If you're listening to this, you probably know the four agreements. What is one of the agreements? Don't take it personal. Personally. Don't take it personally, because it's not you. It's something, an idea that you had. You remember ideas you had 10 years ago. I don't even remember what they were. Obviously, they're not me. I did something, then I put it out there, and now I'm here. And so really separating your humanness from your creation, that's foundational for so much of navigating this journey, especially when it comes to handling this feedback. Number two is that you are not for everyone. Your work is not for everyone, and that is good. You're not trying to be for Everyone, as I talked about in a previous podcast episode, you're trying to find the minimum viable audience. Or as Kevin Kelly would talk about, you're 1000 true fans that you don't need to appease to every single person. I'm not looking for vampire costumes, and I don't think I would want a vampire costume nor like to be marketed vampire costumes. And so should the people making vampire costumes try to make them more for me? No, it's. They're not for me. And so understand that you have your own vampire costume. I'm using an extreme example as an analogy for you to think about what that is for you. That your work in some ways is a vampire costume that not everyone wants. And that's okay because some people are really looking for your vampire costume. And when they find it, they're going to be like, yes, this is what I was looking for. So it's okay to be exclusive in that way. You're not for everyone. I've used this example before, but I'm sure maybe you've heard of the band Fish. Fish can sell out Madison Square Garden for 12 nights in a row. They can sell out a huge venue for 12 nights in a row. People love Fish. I hate Fish. I don't understand. I don't get the joke. What are they playing? It's just a bunch of random music that just doesn't end. It's just. It's not for me. And if Phish started to try making music for me, they'll probably lose their devote fans. I love not Fish as a band, but I love that Phish exists and that I don't like Phish so much to prove that they're not playing for me, that they have their core audience that gets it. And guess what? They're doing pretty well. They have zero big mainstream hits, but they can sell at Madison Square Garden for 12 nights in a row. I bet you can find a pop star that has a huge mainstream hit that couldn't do the same. Finding true fans, realizing that you're not for everyone. And so that's kind of these foundational pieces to handling negative criticism. Because if you can know that you are not your work and that you are not for everyone, then this just becomes a breeze on how to handle. And what happens is, is you actually begin. This is where the ninja moves come in. You begin to celebrate your negative comments, to celebrate them. To see like, whoa, this means I'm putting myself out there enough to get and warrant someone not liking it. I remember the first time I Started posting on Facebook in 2016. I started coming out to the world in many ways on social media of these new things that I was doing. And I got my first hater. And I just even then knew that this was a good sign. Okay, okay. Because if I'm putting it out there enough for people to say something negative, then I bet I. I'm putting it enough out there for people to really engage and not say something positive necessarily, but to receive it in a positive light. And so whenever you get negative reviews or feedback, notice what happens if you can shift and celebrate it. Because one, it's not you, it's about your work. Two, your work is not going to be for everyone. And so when you can proudly show who it's not for, then you can celebrate. Okay, next. Often negative criticism is not even about your work. See, we're taking these levels deeper. Is that so? Often negative criticism is about the person that's writing it, not you. How could it not be? And this is what I meant when I used that Eminem song and I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? Maybe not the whole thing, but that first piece of I am whatever you say I am. Because to them, it's their stuff. And so they can call you whatever it is because it's their stuff. It's them. They're going to project all of their fears, doubts, experiences, judgments. And for many people, they have no other way of dealing with that stuff but to put it outwards. I've never commented on Phish's Instagram and saying, I hate you, your music stinks. No, I don't need to do that. Nothing from that. Why would I do that? I can. It can be true, but I don't need to tell them so. The people that actually often do say something negative are often dealing with something in themselves that is tough to deal with. And so when you notice that, when it's very clear, and often it is very clear, more often than not, is to have compassion. To have compassion for that person rather than making it about you and all the stuff that it might be triggering for you. Which brings to the next point is, and this is something I learned from Tim Ferriss, and the quote is, you are neither as bad as people say you are, nor as good as people say you are. Let that sink in. You're not as bad as people say you are, and you're not as good as people say you are. Just as people are going to project their stuff and say negative things, to you. Some people are going to put you on a pedestal. And in some ways you might be representing the mom or dad that they never had. Especially maybe if you're in this work where you're sharing kind of wisdom or teachings or whatnot and they are gonna just put you up, they're gonna love on you, they're gonna say, you're the best, you're the greatest, whatever it might be. Maybe I'm getting a little high on it, but it's true. And if we're not careful, we might take that in as truth and say, oh, look how great I am, that person said it. But then if we take that on as truth, what we open ourselves also is to take on that negative. And so now we're in this pendulum swing of looking for the positive validation because we can hold on, okay, that's who I am. And then we swing to this negative of, oh, that's who I am. And it is exhausting because we're neither. We're not people's positive projections, we're not people's negative projections. We are ourselves. We are a human being with our own flaws, our own intentions to try and do well. And if we can just continue to validate ourself and come from a place of not taking in the positive nor the negative, come from this middle ground, we have so much more long term power to stay in the game and do work from a real, a real whole place, a place that is in integrity, a place that can wipe off the praise and the criticism and just stay focused on doing good work. Now, I really hope you understand that I'm not trying to put myself above you in these categories, that I 100% have taken on some of those positive things and think how great I am sometimes. And so I say this stuff not just for you, but as a reminder to me to stay the middle ground and focus on the quality and the heart and the intention of the work that we're doing. Okay? And so to recap around the negative criticism piece is that you are not your work. You are not for everyone. That means when someone says something negative, good, because you're not for them. And often their comment is about them, not you. And remember, you're not as bad as they say you are and you're not as good as they say you are. So let's start talking a little bit about actually taking in feedback. Feedback and criticism are often different. Real feedback is generous. It's someone actually saying, hey, maybe this could be helpful for you. Criticism is often those negative Projections that people might share. Right. Where there's almost like a maliciousness to it and where the in between is like, let's say you're having a feedback on one of your meditations. I'll speak this for myself. So I remember getting a lot of feedback on meditations where they might say something positive and say, hey, yeah, I really like this but the swallowing noises were distracting. Okay, interesting. And maybe I will see that comment a few times of yeah, I couldn't stay with this. The swallowing noises were too much. And so they're actually not talking about the work in some ways. I mean they are for sure, but they're talking about a piece of the work that's taking them away from actually hearing the main message. And at the time I wasn't really doing any edits on my tracks early, early on. And so there was all these speaking clicks and swallows and things that I edit out now or maybe I'm able to not do as much as I did back then. And so there can be some truth in the feedback. Let's say it's comments on Insight Timer or wherever it might be coming from on Instagram or Facebook. I would actually not take so much from social media because what kind of content are you really creating in a. In a long form way on there to have it warrant a really solid feedback. Anywho, YouTube's a tough place for sure. So for Insight Timer or in this in between because people often have to make a comment as themselves anyway. So learning to be like, okay, well is there a semblance of truth in this? And then going, oh yeah, maybe I will do that edit a little differently. Another thing to note when you're getting feedback for your own self work is where are you getting triggered? Like what is charging you? And to go inwards with that too. To go inwards because you can get some feedback for a long time. Get some feedback and it just has just for me, no, it's really negative. But I'm like, it has no impact on me. It's like, yeah, whatever. And I guess you get kind of get used to that. If you've gotten so much negative feedback over years of being in this world. But noticing when the things charge you and being curious of what is it about that that's charging me? Is there a truth or is there something I'm not okay with, I'm not okay presenting myself as and what to do with that? For some reason I got charged from a negative comment more so than I have in a long time. Not so long ago. And the comment was something like, I wish you would stop talking about yourself. Something like that. And it was a little triggering. I think it was triggering because that's often the comment people give me in the positive way, like, I love you sharing your stories. It helps me connect. I'm so happy you shared, you know, your stories or your vulnerability. That's often what I get. So it's almost like that's my. That is my vampire costume in a way. And that person really wasn't engaged or wanting my vampire costume. And so the way that I responded to her was how I encourage you to respond to maybe anyone that you feel like it's a misalignment. There's people that are saying malicious things, and then where there's just a clear misalignment of, thank you for sharing and I'm sorry it's not for you. Now, in this way, I kind of said a little bit more. I said, hey, most people actually like that I share personal stories, but I understand that it might not be for you. Thanks for listening. I hope you find, you know, someone that you resonate with. And so I had to sit with that and go, okay, well, is there still this little trigger in me? Do I. Maybe I do want to, you know, that's why, as you heard on one of my episodes recently with Darius, it's like I like solo podcast episodes the most because I get to just talk. So I don't know what that is, but something to sit with and then underneath that, again, how to respond to that. Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry it's not for you. That could be the only response or no response. Often we feel like we want to respond more to the negative comments than the bad comments. It's our negativity bias, for sure. Moving on to real feedback, not criticism. So we kind of had like an in between of feedback in some of these comments on where people that we don't know. And then thinking of feedback, where do we want feedback? We want feedback from people we trust and we want feedback with consent. Consent is actually a really big part of receiving quality feedback. And it's so great to have either containers of consent, meaning, and I'm sorry, I'm laughing because it sounds like some kind of polyamorous group or something. Containers of consent, I'm talking about masterminds. Like to actually have like a group of mastermind where there's a mutual consent that we are here to improve and help each other. Right. There's a mutual, hey, I saw what you did. Maybe you can do it this way, or, hey, I noticed you did this. You know, this is my response to this. And even then, sometimes having, like, are you open? Open for feedback? So in Masterminds, there's often consent is built in because that's what we're there for, to receive feedback from colleagues, people that we are engaged in. I have a client who literally, in our coaching container, asked me, we're working on a big project for her that she's launching, and she asked me to give critical feedback. Like, she actually asked for harsh criticism. So there's something in maybe, you know, exploring that, wanting harsh criticism, but she's paying me for that. Right? So there's, There's. I want to give that feedback in a way that's going to be helpful and in a way that she's recognized. It's not hers, her. She's trying to make the best thing. She's trying to make the best piece of art possible. And so it's about the work. Rick Rubin will always talk about this. It's about the work. It's not about her or the person. This is where we go back to step one. We separate ourselves from the work. And so for another example of this is I just mentioned Darius, and we had a podcast together. Darius Bashar. He's been on the podcast two times, dear friend. And after our last podcast together, he listened to it and he asked me, he's like, hey, I love the show. Are you open for some feedback? Consent? And I think he knows he could give me that feedback, but there's something in setting it up that prepares me and sets the stage that he's going to give me something that I know is coming from generosity. He's not trying to pull me down. He's trying to make me better. He's trying to make the work better. Not me better, the work better. And he mentioned something in the intro music and feeling like it was a little bit too long and that the transition wasn't as smooth. And I said, wow, thank you. No one has told me that. I'm so grateful. No one would get that feedback. Like, there's a bug on our website. It's like a link that's not missing, and someone says, hey, your link's not missing. Now you can either throw a fit of like, how dare you? But, like, no, thank you. I'd want to know that. Of course you're improving what I'm doing. You're helping me in a very tangible way. So I was grateful for that. And so I say that because you want to seek out, you want to find people, you want to have colleagues, coaches, mentors that can offer generous feedback, not criticism. Generous feedback. Okay, that was a lot. I think I hit points. I think I was part ranty. But that's my podcast and I get to hit points and be ranty and continue on and March onwards. So I'm going to invite you if you have the best feedback. If you know, you want to tell me how good this podcast is, which is a piece of my art, please share it in the comments. Leave a 5 star glowing review. If you feel about this podcast like I feel about fish, do what I do with fish. Just don't say anything. Just don't say anything. No need to leave a comment or a review. Don't say anything. Might not be for you. And if you're listening to this 20 or so minutes in, I'll be surprised if you're still listening to me rant. So if you like this, if this is the right vampire costume for you, leave a review. And if you like this, like I like fish, don't leave a review. Okay? And then if you haven't yet and you've been listening to this podcast, or maybe you're brand new to this podcast. I have such an amazing free offer. I don't get so excited about a free offer. I know we have like lead magnets and whatnot and this is a lead magnet for sure in having a free offer and we can do episodes on lead magnets and what? I don't love the term, but it gets to what I'm talking about. But I really think this is good, hugely valuable and will help you come up with new ideas for unique meditations so that you can find your art, so you can create your vampire costume and where someone's going to be like, yeah, this is what resonates for me. And it's completely free. It's called Meditation Script Mastery. It's an hour long training and it's going to help you come up with with unique ideas for new and powerful and evocative meditations. Go check it out in the description link below and I will see you next time on the Art and Business of Meditation. Thanks for listening.