3 Life Changing Questions To Ask Yourself
Kids love asking questions.
If you spend any amount of time with a five-year-old, you will be asked everything from how clouds are made to why do Tommy's parents sleep in different rooms?
Children are naturally and uninhibitedly curious.
Yet as adults, we become rigid and closed off. We need to have the answers and feel embarrassed to ask questions.
But good questions are essential to growth.
Tony Robbins says, "The quality of your life reflects the quality of your questions."
Most ask disempowering questions.
Like:
Why does this always happen to me?
What is wrong with this person?
Why do things have to be difficult?
The power of the subconscious is that it works to find solutions to our prompts. So when we ask disempowering questions, we get disempowering answers.
"Why does this always happen to me?
"Because I must be flawed, I know something's wrong with me, this wouldn't happen to anyone else."
Our mind looks for reasons to confirm our victim story.
Be cautious of the questions you ask yourself.
It's either an empowering or vicious self-fulfilling cycle.
The Power of Good Questions
Good questions enable us to organize our thinking around what we don't know.
Great questions guide us toward what we don't know, we don't know.
Powerful questions open the mind to new possibilities. They break us free from habitual thinking and open a channel for something new to emerge.
Good life coaching is about asking powerful questions that allow for such insight.
Here are 3 questions you can use to help coach yourself in the new year.
Before I get there, I'm sharing the levels these question work at, so you can understand where a question would be appropriate.
They are:
Vision Coaching: Helps create action and forward momentum.
Mindset Coaching: Helps shift perspective and induces empowering narrative.
Depth Coaching: Helps heal from the inside out, clearing the way for deeper self-connection.
1. What would it look like if it were easy? (Vision Coaching)
We make mountains out of molehills.
The uncertainty of a new project leads to procrastination, making a task much more significant in our minds.
Ever put off doing something for days because it felt like a lot of work, and then when you finally did it, it took 5 minutes?
Here's a secret: LIFE DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HARD!
(I know this counter to my post on doing hard things makes life easy. 😊)
We make things more complicated than they need to be.
Let's say you want to start a youtube channel.
You think you need to first:
Get a good camera
Learn editing software
Buy fancy lights
Learn Photoshop for thumbnails
Study all the best practices
Take public speaking lessons
Wait until the "right" time
Then in 8 months, once you're "Ready" you can begin.
All these things may be helpful but have little to do with starting a youtube channel. Instead, they are forms of procrastination and an example of how we make things harder than needed.
What would it look like if it were easy?
You pull out your phone, hit record, start talking, hit end, and upload it to youtube. Boom!
The best way to get better at anything is through experience. Record another video and make it 1% better. Over time the quality will compound.
I now have the fancy equipment for recording meditations and pay freelancers for editing. But when I started, I just hit record on my lav mic and published. Some unedited files are still my most popular, like Opening Yourself To Receive.
"You can be good today, but instead you choose tomorrow."- Marcus Aurelius
The #1 thing that gets in people's way is not starting.
Once they start, the energy of momentum takes over.
In entrepreneurship, there is a term called a Minimum Viable Product. It means the minimum they can do to get a working product out into the market.
They know they'll receive invaluable feedback on how to improve it, so why waste time making it better than it needs to be when they'll likely change it?
The same applies to however you feel called to put yourself out there. You don't need to make the perfect video—make a bad video and get better.
What is most important is what we most resist doing.
What are the important things you're putting off?
Ask- What would they look like if it were easy?
This question applies to more than just projects.
Any problem you have—what would it look like if it were easy?
The question helps give your mind alternate avenues than the most challenging ones we tend to create.
2. What if the opposite were true? (Mindset Coaching)
People love to argue for their limitations. "I can't because I'm too old, I don't have the experience, I'm not qualified, I don't have the time, it's not the right time"— the excuses are endless!
We get so entrained in these negative thought loops that it helps to invert the thinking to find a new solution.
Let's use time as an example, as many people have this excuse in some way.
Someone says, "It's not the right time."
What if the opposite were true? What if it was the perfect time? Can you find evidence to support that?
"Well, if I start now, even with all that I have going on, I'll show myself that I can handle this at any time of year. Also, I'll set myself up for the person I want to be in 6 months."
Now it shifts to "It's the right time," and from there, I might ask, if this is the perfect time, how does this change how you're looking at x issue?
In exploring this question, you shift your perspective to see that you have the power to make a new and empowering narrative.
Another example:
I gave a talk at a highschool recently and was speaking to the woman who had me in. She explained how she teaches public speaking and is thinking about her next steps.
I offered that she might start her own business and do what I do. (Speaking/Teaching)
She responded, "I could never do that. I'm not good at admin."
Now I might ask her what it would look like if admin were easy, but since we're on number two, I may also ask, What if the opposite were true?
What if you were great at admin?
She can then start explaining ways in the past where she figured things out, or plan to set the time to take a course or hire out the places she thought were lacking.
Instead of admin being a limitation, it becomes the path forward—The Obstacle Is The Way!
Take a story you tell yourself, and try it out.
You don't have to live in the box you're making.
What if the opposite were true?
3. What if Nothing Is missing? (Depth Coaching)
When doing depth coaching with clients, I like to ask, "What is missing?"
This inquiry may be when a strong emotion get's stirred. Underneath the strong reaction may be an unmet need.
Asking "What is missing" helps someone recognize the need and build new awareness around it.
What often happens is the person realizes they have the resources to give that need to themselves and no longer require to seek it from the outside.
In essence, they understand that Nothing Was Ultimately Missing.
Since I can't go back and forth with you via this letter, I found a question that may cut to the heart of your issue- What if nothing is missing?
I learned this question from Steve March, founder of Aletheia Coaching.
People get into inner work because they feel like there is a lack. A tenant I hold is you are already Whole Perfect, and Complete. As a coach, I help you get out of your own way, so your wholeness and inner healer can take over.
Instead of thinking you need to do, get, or be something or someone, What if nothing is missing?
Feel into this question. Let it work on you. If you do so long enough, you may find the answers surprising.
Quick recap:
To create a plan and take action in your life, ask What would it look like if it were easy?
To shift from a limiting belief, ask What if the opposite were true?
To work through discontentment or distraughtness, ask What if nothing is missing?
What question applies to you right now? Send me an email and let me know.